raindrops on roses

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

That’s why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

“Maya,” I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, “very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

“Hey, what are you reading?” I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I’m nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

“I LOVE books,” I said. “Do you?”

Most kids do.

“YES,” she said. “And I can read them all by myself now!”

“Wow, amazing!” I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya….

It would be awesome if Tumblr loved these sorts of articles about respecting a girls’ brain instead of her boobs and butt. But, too bad smart girls aren’t “Tumblr Famous” and later I’ll reblog a picture of a girl who wanted more followers so she posted degrading pictures of herself to get that way. We’ll compare the amount of notes and I’ll laugh - but I tried and at the very least, you’ll know where I stand on the brains vs. boobs issue.

I know Kan already blogged this - but simply putting up a quote from a very well-written article and saying “read this if you have a heart” actually did not get me to read the article - in fact, only after about 20 minutes of Internet browsing did I finally stumble upon this article, which has left me with about 5 minutes of tears on my face at work and a whole lot more thoughts to think about - especially since:

a)   Now I’m an documented American who has left America to become an expat and a documented person somewhere else.

b)   The author, Jose Antonio Vargas, is of Filipino descent, not Mexican, which is what most people think of when they say “illegal immigrant” comes up (looking at you, Arizona) and so this story reminds me of my mother’s.

c)    The backup line that Vargas was told to use about “going to America to see Disneyland” is the exact same line that my mother used to pass her immigration interview.

First up, (c). Disneyland

I don’t know where the rumor started but that’s what my mother was told to say to the immigration officer and sure enough, it worked. I think it varies though from officer to officer, because my uncle tried to use the same explanation for his tourist visa and failed miserably. But fact of the matter is, (my mother told me this after reading the article), Disneyland really changed the course of her life. And the fact that I’m now working at Disney, in Shanghai, where there will soon be another Disneyland, means something to me. Maybe I’m contributing to something that will change the course of someone else’s life, for better or for worse.

Second, (b). Filipinos and Illegal Immigrants

I don’t know what will happen to Mr. Vargas, but I do know that if my mother loses her job, she loses her working visa as well as her documented right to stay and live in the United States. That’s a terrifying thought and not something a little girl wanted to hear when she asked her mother why she couldn’t come to her ballet recital, because someone was granted a dance solo and wanted her mother there to take pictures. I’m sure Vargas has it no easier, having his grandparents (Lolo and Lola) put in so much money and effort to make sure that he lived the American Dream, only for him to finally throw in the towel and come clean about his history.

I heard once that people should never be called “aliens”. I agree with that statement wholeheartedly so everytime since then I’ve heard the word “alien” used, I’ve tried to counteract it with the word “illegal immigrant” instead. I hope you might do the same. Just a thought.

Third, (a).   Documented Immigrant in China

Man, after all that talk about becoming documented in the United States – becoming documented in China is not that easy either! There’s already 4 billion people here, why do they want foreigners coming in to try and push out the hardworking and determined people already here and “documented” legally? Eff that! The restrictions put on those of us especially just coming out of college are…there.

 Basically, most of my friends here are documented (all through illegal transactions), but I have a few who are not. One of my girl friends is illegally working here on a tourist visa (as so many of us post-college students do) and had to go to Hong Kong last night because her 90-day stay was up. Problem is, her boss didn’t want her to miss a day of work in order to do so. She should have just taken a weekend and gone to Hong Kong then, right?

Wrong, because over the weekends, he gave her work to do, so that she couldn’t go to Hong Kong before yesterday. Then, when she needed to leave the country because it was the lawfully responsible thing to do, he didn’t want her to take any days off. So he expected her to fly to Hong Kong for the night, get her passport stamped, wait around in the airport and fly back in the morning! It’s a mother*cking hassle, but since “this is China” (TIC), we must play by the rules of the game we have started, not unlike Vargas, not unlike my mother, not unlike the many “undocumented” (read: unheard of, unread) people still in the United States.

So I say, do not read this article because you have a heart. Read this article because as a documented American, you have a vote and you need to make sure it counts in the best way possible.